Friday, May 11, 2007

On Becoming A Mother

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. – Rajneesh

Oh how I remember becoming a mother….well, actually I don’t recall the exact moment as I was anesthetized for an C-section. My son was late… and the doctor said it was time. Come to find out that little guy inside me had turned himself around. Many efforts were made to turn the baby to no avail, and the monitor indicated it was time. I was carted off for a C-section, and resisted the insistencies of anesthesia. I wanted to see my baby born!

I remember clearly the doctor asking, “can you feel this” (as he pressed the scalpel against my bulging tummy)– oh, a little prick - “no prob Doc – get my baby outta there!” You see, I have always had a high tolerance for pain and I wasn’t going to let a little poke stop me from seeing that miraculous moment. But miss it I did…the last words I remember hearing…:”if she can feel that give her a general.” I drifted off.

Next thing I remember I was in a hospital room. My father and niece were there along with my husband, but not my mother. Nope – my mom was at an all important bowling tournament, and besides, our son was one of many grandchildren. Still, I remember the disappointment at my mother not being present for the birth of my first child. As I think back on that day over 9 years ago I am amused – in her own quiet way my mother can be amusing. Although she missed the birth of my son she has been and is a wonderful grandmother and I cherish times our children spend with their grandparents.

Being a new mom was not easy. This week I created a layout called “These Hands” and I was reminded of how scary being a new parent was. It did not help that our baby had colic. My husband worked second shift and I had all I could do to keep sane until he came home and I could hand over the crying baby and escape for a bit. Mornings were a blessing, however, and our little boy was as precious as any baby could be. In “Discover” I imagine Kyle is checking out the mobile hanging over his crib, or hey, most likely – eyeing that contraption mom has placed in front of her face before blasting him with a light. For all you moms out there – colic does pass! I may not miraculously disappear at 3 months – but doesn’t hang on a whole lot longer unless there is really an allergy situation. If you have a difficult baby the best thing I can advise is to get a support group. I had no one to call on for relief. My parents lived too far away. From 1 pm to after midnight I had no break. Everyone I knew worked – who could I call at 9 pm when I had had enough? My advice –before you give birth find out who is willing to give you a hand at night if your baby has colic. I have also since discovered the wonders of chiropractic care for babies - colic to ear infections! Kyle had wedged his head in my pelvis bones - I shudder when I watch the birth video - they had to pry him out and then he loosened with a huge jerk. His poor little body needed an adjustment from day one, and had I known that our first months together may have been more peaceful.

Nine years later my troublesome baby baby has grown into a very kind and compassionate young man. He is my helper, my cuddler, and a lover of all God’s creatures – just like I was as a kid. Right now he wants to be a veterinarian, he writes stories and he draws – all reflections of who I was as a child. I am amazed at how he is so much like me. Thankfully there is the gentle and patient father, who can counter my not so good traits. (ha ha)

We’re also blessed with a precious little girl – whom God chose for our family after many, many nights of tears and prayer for God to give me another baby. My mother didn’t miss her arrival – and in fact an entourage of people paraded to O’Hare International Airport in Chicago the day Abigail was due to fly in from Seoul, South Korea.

What a wonderful feeling I had on Mother’s Day in 2003 – our baby girl had had some weeks to settle in and it was like she had always been a part of our family. I had never felt so blessed and complete in my life. Happy Mother’s Day to all moms, and for those of you who wish to be moms – stay fervent in prayer, and remember this verse from Hebrews 11:1 that got me through my wait for a daughter: “…faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” God knows the desires of our hearts, He wipes away our tears and delivers hope to all of His children.

1 comment:

Kimmie said...

Very touching Rita. I hope this Mothers Day was no diffrent. Happy Mothers day